Carpet Cleaning Technician!

I am now applying to be a carpet cleaning technician.

Hello Fellow Carpet Cleaners!

My name is Nancy Stewart, and I can clean carpets!

Allow me to introduce myself to you:

As I said, my name is Nancy Stewart. I am an unemployed male, 63 years old. I have a gray furry head, some gray whiskers (a beard) on my face. I may be old, but my life is far from over! I am reliving my youth, so its really like I am 27 years old (I started reliving my youth 5 years ago as a 22 year old, so now I would be 27, assuming that I am still in my youth).

I fulfill most of your criteria!

1. In good physical condition -
Not exactly, but when I was 27 I did, so technically I am.

2. Have no criminal record -
When I was 27, I had yet to had been arrested, so theoretically, no.

3. Can pass a drug test -
Once again, at the time I was 27 (remember I'm reliving my youth) I could have done so successfully.

4. Have a strong work ethic -
Of course, people have always complimented me for how ethical I am. I am even a member of People for the ETHICAL Treatment of Animals, and have a membership card and a T-shirt to prove that. (if you need a copy, feel free to tell me and I'll send you a copy via a facsimile machine.

5. Enjoy challenge -
Under the assumption that I am 27 years old, I just LOVE challenge. I can't get enough of it.

6. Enjoy meeting new people -
When I was 27, I loved dating, so yes, I ENJOY meeting NEW people.

7. Like working with out supervision -
I don't like it, I LOVE it!

8. Have strong personal integrity -
I have an award for "being a person of integrity" that I can send to you via facsimile upon request.

9. Have a clean cut neat appearance -
Except for a few whiskers (a full beard), yes I am very clean cut.

10.Have good communication skills -
I am a communication WIZARD. Throughout the 27 (63) years of my life, I have approached many times in the street, just for somebody to stop and admire my communication skills.

By the time you get here, I'm sure that you'll be begging to hire me. I can almost feel your urge to hire me. Then you better act quick, because I am HOT on the job market. Everybody is looking to hire 27 (63) year olds.

Cheers,

Nancy Stewart

P.S. Don't forget, its really like I'm 27, not 63!