Pet Groomer and Bather

I am applying to be a pet groomer and bather:

Hello Fellow Animal Friend,

My name is Nancy Stewart and I am applying to be a pet groomer/bather.

I am a 53 year old male, and I have had a very long and negative experience with animals. I am have worked as a pet groomer before, and have been bitten 4 different times, on all separate occasions. All 4 of these occasions did result in lawsuits, but do not fear, I do not anticipate on any more in the future. I am applying for this job to confront the demons in my life, and in my life, animals are certainly my largest demon. I have never been very fond of animals, especially dogs. I have also been attacked by a bear twice, have had bird waste land on me three times in my convertible and on the beach, and have been engaged in a cat fight, with an actual cat, as well as numerous other less severe instances.

As you can probably see, my prior experiences with animals haven't been very good. It has actually been very bad. But do not let that influence your decision to hire me. Animals have always tended to hate me, so my hate of them is simply reciprocating their feelings towards me. Anybody who says who animals have a short memory is wrong, because all animals hold a grudge against me before they even meet me. I am hoping that this job will help me get over my past experience with animals. I have actually seeked counseling with a lady who calls herself "the cat lady", who is also a future teller, and we have had many counseling sessions, and she told me that I now have a clean slate with animals. She even introduced me to all of her 100+ cats, and only three of them attacked me (a 97% success rate), which I was very proud of. If you would like a letter from her certifying what I have said and that she sees no further conflict with animals while reading my palms, let me know and I'll have her write to you.

Please strongly consider me for this position, and you will not be sorry. I will conquer the demons in my life, and strongly succeed in this position.

Cheers,

Nancy Stewart


I received the following response:

Thank you for your interest. I do not think that you would be appropriate for this environment.