Satelite Dish Salesman

I just contacted a company, to try to get a job as a satelite dish salesman. Here is my letter, am awaiting their response:

Hello!

Hello, my name is Nancy Stewart and I am mucho (very) interested in your position for a salesman.

I am an unemployed male, and am 53 years old. I have a greyish-brownish goatee, and medium-length sideburns. I am 6 feet tall, and have a little extra padding around my tummy. I take great care in my personal appearance, and am a very attractive man. I can use my overwhelming ability to charm to convince your potential customers to buy that new satelite dish.

I like to be very honest with my potential employers, so I feel that I must discuss with you something somewhat important. I have obcessive compulsive disorder (OCD). When I speak to a customer, I quickly become obcessed about them. I will do whatever it takes to get them to signup. I used to work as a door-to-door carpet cleaner salesman, so I know what it takes to sell. One time, I was pitching our carpet cleaning service to a potential customer, and they told me that they were not interested, and for me to leave. But that did not make me give up! Persistence is the key to sales, so I then helped myself right into their house and right into their living room. On their carpet, I spotted some pretty nasty stains. I told them that with our incredible carpet cleaning team, that those stains would be gone forever. I told them, using my overwhelming charm, that they have a disgustingly-dirty carpet, but that for only $299 those stains would be history. Guess what, they signed up! I will do that for your company. That's how much I care. My motto is:

If they won't sign up, make them signup.

That sounds like a very forceful motto, and it is. But remember that I have an overwhelmingly high amount of charm, and how I am obcessed about all potential customers, so everybody that I speak to WILL signup, that is my personal guarantee. If somebody doesn't signup, feel free to fire me.

Personally, I do not know a thing about satelite dishes. But that shouldn't concern you, not ONE bit. I will convince people, using only my good looks, my incredible charm, and my obcession with whatever I am selling, whether it be toilets, cars, carpet cleaners, ice cream, or satelite dishes, that they NEED a satelite dish. If I am asked aquestion about satelite dishes, I most likely won't know the answer, but I have a GREAT comeback. I will tell them that when they buy thesatelite dish, THEY WILL FIND OUT FOR THEMSELVES! That way, it is a win-win situation. You get a sale, and they'll teach themselves something new. Everybody wins.

Now, you most definitely have a wonderful understanding of my philosophy as a satelite dish salesman. You probably cannot wait to hire me.

I look forward to hearing back from you!

Cheers,

Nancy Stewart