Photographer's Assistant

I am applying to be a photographer's assistant:

Hello Fellow Photographers,

I am applying for the position as a photographers's assistant. My name is Nancy Stewart, and I am a 48 year old male, an avid photographer.

I have taken many pictures before, but never professionally. I really don't have much of a resume, as I never had held a photography-related job. Actually, I've never held an actual job, but I figure I'll give it a shot after 48 years.

In your listing, you mention working at schools. The thing is, to put it bluntly, I hate kids. For that reason, the idea of being an assistant is perfect for me, so I can avoid the little rats as much as possible. I will absolutely not comb any greasy little heads, wipe any snotty little noses, or make any of the little squirts shine their disgusting little teeth. Its their picture, let them decide how the hell they want to look, and as long as I have no contact, I'll be happy. Does that sound good to you?

Although your listing does state:

"Photography experience, while a plus, is not nearly as important as a real appreciation for children."

I do not feel that my lack of photography experience or my drained appreciation of pampered little tots will be an issue. I can simply do the "behind-the-scenes" work.

I feel that I am a perfect match for this position, like peas and carrots. I am wetting my trousers in eagerness for your response.

Cheers,
Nancy Stewart

Later correspondence with this employer:

8/14
Nancy: I am following up to my email of August 7, as I have not heard back from you.

8/15
Employer: And you wonder why? That was funny, but I am very busy.

8/15
Nancy: What is the matter? Can I assume that you are not interested in myservices at this time?

8/15
Employer: Sorry, but we are looking for people who LIKE working with kids.

11/12
Nancy: It is Nancy, it has been a while since our most recent correspondence. Since we have last spoken, I have discovered that I have a 4 year old son of my own, and I have learned to love kids. Kids are my life. I may become a teacher, Mr. Stewart. Until then, I was thinking that maybe you would reevaluate your decision, because I would be delighted to be an employee of yours. Please deeply consider my employment. Thank you!

No further correspondence received from the employer