Junior Litigiation Associate

I was taking a stroll in the park today with Robert (my cat), when it dawned upon me that maybe I should be a lawyer. I am obviously over-qualified, considering all of my experience with the legal system. I know its only for a junior litigation associate, and you're probably thinking, why Nancy, you're better than that! Thank you for your gratuity, but I'll let you in on a secret. All of these firms make you an associate first, not even a man of my credentials could take the jump to senior partner. I was thinking about joining a big firm, possiby even moving to New York City, but I heard something about having to have a law license, but I figure a small firm will let it slide. We shall see. Here is my letter and resume:

Hi!

I am Nancy Stewart, and I am the man for the job! You will find my resume attached in PDF format, which obviously shows my experience with the legal system.

Thanks,
Mr. Stewart

RESUME:

Resume for Nancy Stewart

Frequent Plaintiff at county court, all of which I represented myself

Read (from front-to-back) Law for Dummies

Declared “Competent to stand trial” on felony battery after a big ruckus that I was insane or something

Successfully passed traffic school 7 times

Went to school to fight parking tickets on several occasions, self representing myself

Described as an “interesting man” by several judges

Completed 3 years of high school

Freecell champion (12457 wins, 79 losses)