Upscale Hair Salon

Hi Fellow Hair Stylists!

My name is Nancy Stewart, and I am the man for the job! As a hair stylist! In your salon! Let me tell you more about myself, as I am a very interesting man.

I grew up in Compton, the meanest place is the USA. It is dog-eat-dog, cat-eat-cat, and sometimes even a man-eat-cat (only once, I swear!) place out there. It was tough growing up in the hood, I had to learn to fight for myself. I was a tough-ass hoodlum. But I was a trekkie, I loved Star Trek. So on my 18th birthday, I pilgrimated to a Star Trek convention in San Francisco. Once there, I met myself a level-7 witch. I fell in love with Fifi (or Boots, the nickname I called her.)

I married FiFi when I was 21 years old, but unfortunately she died in a tragic shaving accident 3 months later. It broke my heart. I cut her hair so it would look good (great) for the open-casket. I received many compliments at the funeral regarding her hair. After her death, I moved back in to Mum's and Pup's basement for twenty years, until they died of undisclosed causes. That's where I am now, looking for work. I have never held a job in my entire life, FiFi was rich until she lost it all in the Dungeons and Dragons national championship, and Mums and Pups supported me for the last twenty years, as well as the first eighteen years of my life. However, I cut FiFi's hair before her funeral, and have cut my hair on two occasions. Right now, I have not cut my hair in eleven years, and haven't shaved in the last eight. I am going for the "natural caveman" look. Its a very unique style, and I think it will catch on in the the twenty-first century, as I got Pups to do it for several years before he died, and I think it looks really cool.

Now that you have gotten to know me, you see that I would be great for the job. I bring in my own personal style, as well as three hair cutting incidents, two of which were consensual. I am a very interesting man, and looking forward to getting my first job. If you feel that my fur is too long, I can tie it back so it won't rub against my clients. I look forward to hearing back from you and getting started on the job. Thank you for hiring me, I won't let you down, you've made the right decision.

Your Furry Friend,
Nancy Stewart

UPDATE:
No word from them yet, so I emailed a follow-up:

Hi Again,

I don't mean to rush you, but I haven't heard back from you yet. I have been very excited about my new job for the last few days, and was getting all ready to get started on the job. As you recall, I've never actually held a job before, so maybe I don't know how the whole job hiring process works. Was I wrong to assume that I had been hired before hearing from you? I knew that I was overqualified, so I thought that meant that you would definitely hire me. Was I wrong? Or right? Let me know, I'll be waiting.

(Hopefully) Your New Employee,

Nancy Stewart

And just in case they already filled the position, I sent my resume off to another hair salon. We'll see what happens...

UPDATE: I received a response from the first hair salon that I contacted, they sound interested!

hi nancy sory to disapoint you butt i anderstend thet
you dont know
the prosses of hairstyling you have to be licenc in
california and have to go to beauty scholl for about
one year then ther is a test you have to past and then
you gott to assist for about 2 years it is a long
prosses
befor you can call youself a hairstylist so start
with schol and call me wen you done